BITE ME

MONDAY

GROW UP

THE PAST

Too often, I find myself grieving over my dark past. The shadows seem to cloud out all of the sunshine of my happy memories, until I am left with only my bad circumstances and wrong decisions. I struggle with it constantly, the thought that I could be, should be, a better person.

There are skeletons in my closet, lots of regrets in my mind. As much as I try to forget my past decisions, the flashbacks haunt me. Why can't I go back and change those moments? How can I take back those words? I suppose if I was able to, it would take a piece of me with it. With every memory I am altered mentally, spiritually, and sometimes even physically. 

But I have to remember that it's not just scars I bear. Every mistake I've made is a lesson I've learned, regardless of how many falls it took to gain that wisdom. I can't change my past. I can't go back and edit my life, making it flawless. Who I am, has been shaped by all of my experiences, good and bad.

And I don't have to live in regret. The God of the universe sent His one and only son so that I could be freed from guilt and shame. If I would lay everything down at His feet, I would have peace. God wants to free me from my dark past. All I have to do is ask for forgiveness, accept my past as it is, and move forward.

TOSS A COIN

WEIRD

THIEF

LOOKING BEYOND

LET US

LAUGHTER

MOTIVATION

PROCRASTINATION

PLAY

DREAM JOB

HIDDEN IN GOD

HOME ACROBATICS

BLUE SKY

BETTER

Sam's Birthday

This is Heather, Sam's Roomie. For MY birthday, Sam schemed up a surprise. She decorated our room to look like winter. She made me hot chocolate, and a treasure hunt. Today, on your birthday, Sam, I want to dedicate this post to you. We have been scheming about this for months now. I hope you like it!

BEEEP BEEP BEEP!!!!

That would be the sound of Sam's alarm clock, the hated iPod on the loading dock at full volume. I always make sure to set MY (normal) alarm at least a minute ahead of hers. Otherwise, the day seems to start off rather, um, obnoxiously.

I have to say that I'm glad that Sam isn't quite as loud as her alarm clock. Most of the time... It always seems that we never talk to each other, except when we are trying to go to bed, 10 minutes after lights out. Poor deans... you can always tell who isn't going to bed. Sam has a laugh like none other...

What would I do without Sam? As a general rule, her side of the room is messy, while mine is clean. But when (on rare occasion) my side is messy, Sam never ceases to remind me that her side is clean. It always seems to happen that way.

Some of our conversations are so ridiculous, it's not even funny! One morning, Sam's infamous alarm clock didn't go off. I mentioned it to her and she said that she knew I had set my alarm clock. "What if I died in my sleep?" I retorted.

"Your alarm clock would still go off!"

"What if my alarm clock died too?"

"I shouldn't have to be constantly prepared for my roommate to die in her sleep!"

One other time, Sam had the hiccups. They were the horrible kind that stick, and refuse to go away. We were both sitting on our beds, opposite of each other. I was relaxing, reading a book or something, laughing at her agony. Then, out of the blue, I sat straight up and threw my orange pillow at her with brutal force at her while shouting "Cuckoo-bird Banana Mushroom tree!" She looked at me for a couple seconds, like I'd lost my mind, before busting up laughing. We both laughed forever! Hey, it worked! Her hiccups disappeared.

Through fun times, and not so fun, I've gotten to know a really cool girl. She is totally opposite of me, but that makes me love her all the more.

Sam, I have really loved getting to know you this year. I wish you the most excellent best on your birthday! Love you roomie!

Heather 

The first time I saw her, I instantly liked her. It was Sabbath morning of the annual first campout, and she'd just arrived with her mom. Brown hair pulled back into a ponytail, she was really pretty. I wanted to get to know her immediately. She didn't seem very talkative, though. Her mom was the one to talk to me first, telling me the miraculous story of how she'd gotten in. I figured she must just be the shy type. Little did I know.

The first couple months of the year I found myself in her room or Anne's room, talking during free time and all the way through study hall. I found out she played the clarinet, and that she played it really well. And that's how the duets began. One morning I hesitantly asked, "Would you like to play with me?" "Sure!" she enthusiastically replied. And from then on, our squeaks and shrills echoed throughout the hall every day, along with peals of laughter.

From then on, we grew closer and closer. Learning French, talking about certain instruments (ducks and screechy strings), playing together in orchestra, rearranging National Geographic magazines in Math 12, talking, laughing, smiling... She is my partner in anything. We've even hunted platypi together. I've watched her be chased by a tall girl with a broom, eat wild onions (even thought she hates them), and twirl as gracefully as a ballerina. She is resourceful, smart, helpful, and beautiful; yet she doesn't seem to notice. A friend to anyone, she's supportive, sweet, and sensitive to others. Her beautiful smile and sunny cheeriness will always be the highlight of my day. My one and only duet buddy, I love you very, very much.

Amaris

Sam is quite the character. It is hard to explain her in just a paragraph but what I will say is that I have never met another person in which I have so much in common with. Most of the time she is thinking exactly what I am thinking. This can cause some very humorous moments because we tend to blurt out the same thing at the same moment. I really appreciate Sam because she understands me because she has experienced many of the same things that I have experienced. Sam is a great friend.She is cheerful and constantly abounds with energy. Sam has always been a great encouragement to me. When I am feeling down she always comes up to me and insists that I smile. Sam is a sanguine with a caring attitude towards all she meets. Your awesome Sam!

Billy

Her and I hardly ever agree, including on what people call her. I personally like to use her full name, Samantha, but I’m slowly giving in to calling her SAM. She is constantly reminding me to smile. Something that seems to be impossible for me to do, and never seems to get tired of telling me stories - normally the same few over and over. --Squirrel-- She is extremely easy to distract, but that makes it all the more fun for me to have lunch with her. 

The trait that I value the most from Sam is that she tells me when I’m wrong. Since our lives have had completely opposite courses, she tells me of pitfalls to avoid and is willing to offer advice.

~Andy-roo

Sammy. A likable kind of person, really. She can be identified by her constant smile, her ready laugh, her miniature feet, and her true commitment to God. Sammy is an interesting person. She loves life, loves to laugh, loves having fun, and loves people, as well as having an unusually strong affinity for words ending in the sound of a long "e" (as evidenced by her calling Andrew "Andy," Kyle "Billy," and me "Matty"). A somewhat typical Sanguine, Sammy enjoys excitement, jokes, and having a good time. As I have gotten to know her more, though, I have come to see more facets to her character than just the genuine happiness and cheer she almost always spreads. She has a serious side, an outdoor-loving side, a teasing side, a hurting side, but all these sides have been developed and changed by her relationship with God. Though she has long stopped growing in height, she has grown and is still growing immensely in her walk with Jesus.

Sammy, thank you for always bidding me "smile," pointing me to Jesus, and being an all-around great friend.

Matty

Samantha Anne Mattson. I cannot express in words how much you mean to me. You aren’t just someone I get along with or work well with or who cheers me up when I’m feeling down. You’re more than someone who makes me laugh, and doesn’t get offended when I laugh at, I mean, with you. You’re not just a spiritual mentor or someone who can tell me that I’m wrong without hurting me. You’re more than incredibly cute, and loveable, and huggable, and sweet, and persevering, and dedicated, and responsible, and very, very organized. Care, compassion, and selflessness characterize your relationships; not only with your close friends, but with everyone you come in contact with. And you’re humble too. Your growth in Christ since you came to school here has been a beautiful thing to watch. Your testimony blows me away, and when you stand for what is right you make me so proud. I could write pages about you and still not tell you all the times that I have looked up to you, learned from you, been blessed by you, and loved you. All these things, and so many unspoken things, make you my Sammy-lou. I will always love you more than a rubber ducky loves his bath.

Baby Wisps

In case you haven't figured out by now, this post was made by a bunch of Sam's friends (about whom she has posted on this blog), who love her very much. Happy Birthday, Sam!

TO WRITE

USA

TOO SHORT

HAPPINESS

Everyone wants to be happy. They spend their whole lives chasing happiness. "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness." People think that if they get the job they want, make a certain amount of money, or reach the top of the societal food chain, they'll be happy. But happiness is not found in popularity, financial security, or even in pleasant circumstances. Happiness is a state of mind.

We always have the ability to be happy. And yet sometimes, we wait to be happy. We think that there is something we have to do first. Recently, there were a couple of days when I was feeling really depressed. I wanted to be happy, but I felt like I had to deal with these memories I had that were bubbling up. I was soaked in regret and I wanted to be free, but I thought that I couldn't be. For some reason I convinced myself that my past circumstances disqualified me from the privilege of peace and rest. I thought I had to work through it.

Sometimes, the only thing keeping us from happiness is ourselves. Everyone else forgives us for our past mistakes and the only thing left is to forgive ourselves. If we would just choose to be free from worry and regret, we can be. God tells us to lay everything at His feet and to rest in His love. We must give everything completely to Him.

In John 5, Jesus comes across a man who had been lame for 38 years. The man was sitting by a pool, waiting to be healed. Jesus said to him, "Wilt thou be made whole?" When I first looked at that verse, I thought it was a strange thing to ask. I mean, here this man is sitting near his last resort, a healing pool, waiting desperately to be healed. Of course, he wants to walk again!

But the man answers, "Sir, I have no man, when the water is troubled, to put me into the pool. But while I am coming, another steppeth down before me." This man was very discouraged. He is physically not able to help himself move forward with his life.

The next line hit me the most. Jesus said, "Rise, take up thy bed, and walk." He's telling the man to stop waiting around to be healed. He wants this man to take the first step in faith, believing that Jesus can help him. And as soon as the man moved to get up, he was made completely well.

God wants you to be healed from whatever your going through. But if you sit around waiting for your emotions to be perfectly stable, you will end up waiting forever. If you wait until you feel perfectly secure and joyful, you will never be happy. You have to take the first steps in faith, knowing that God will lead you forward.

If you want to be happy, then be happy.

FREE

CURIOUS

CREATIVE