My Surrender

No one dislikes confrontation more than me. I feel like if I convince myself and everyone else that everything's okay, the better off everyone will be. I mean, a positive outlook changes life, right?

It really does, but only when you're genuinely feeling positive. Putting on a front only temporarily fixes the problem from the outside. And it really takes a toll on all that compacted emotion that you shove down inside. Trust me, I've been playing this game all year. A smile here, a laugh there, a perfectly crafted existence to sell to everyone around me. But it's all coming back, and today I realized something.

To put it bluntly, I'm not okay. I have lost sight of what's important in life and I'm just trudging from day to day, trying to keep a smile plastered on my face for my friends and family. I'm miserable and I can't hide it any longer. Piece by piece my life is falling apart in front of my face and the more I try to fix it, the faster it's crumbling. I admit that for the past few months, the devil as been getting the best of me.

But this isn't a pity post. No. This is a post about awakening to the fact that when I try to run my own life, everything falls apart. I have hit an all-time low this week and I'm not afraid to admit it: I need help. Help from my friends, my family, perhaps even a random stranger. But the most important thing for me right now, is admitting that I need help from God.

I'm finally handing the wheel over to the only one who can make sense of this crazy life of mine. I'm laying down all of my cares and worries to the One who can make good out of anything and anyone.

Today, I'm surrendering my life to God. Again.