This summer I've taken to waking up past noon, because I don't sleep until 3 or 4 am. It's not a choice, I just have problems falling asleep. I can lie in bed for hours, just staring at the clock, watching the time tick by but not feeling tired. There are probably a number of reasons this happens, but I'm not going to analyze that right now.
Last night I fell asleep around midnight, but for some unknown reason my body decided that I was done by 4 am. So I sat in bed and perused the internet.
It is currently 6:27 and I'm sitting on the front porch of my family's lake cabin. As the walls are screens, I can hear everything. Everything and nothing. I am never up early enough to catch the sunrise. Four am to noon do not exist to me in the summer. But this morning as I looked out the window I saw the orange glow lighting up the slightly cloudy sky and I had the desire to listen. To really listen to the world waking up around me.
It is strangely still. Usually up here there is always the faint sound of waves lapping up the shore, but right now all I can hear is the sounds of birds waking up and the tapping of my fingers on my keyboard. There is a breeze barely drifting through the trees and I can hear the few people awake driving to wherever they need to go.
Silence has always been this horrible thing to me, but I'm beginning to understand why people like to get up early and watch the sunrise or just immerse themselves completely in nature. For the first time in months I can hear my thoughts clearly. They're not important thoughts and I'm certainly not discovering some earth-shattering truth, but it's nice to have my mind feel clear.
My mind is usually going a mile a minute and I can't stay focused on one topic for long (ADHD, remember?). I also tend to worry a lot about a lot of stupid little things, but right now I feel calm. I feel whole. And for once, I actually feel happy, happy to just be.
It's not profound, and I don't expect you get much out of it. But I just thought I'd share this moment with you, because it's all about the small things in life.
P.S. You should totally try getting up early and just breathing in the fresh air (unless you live in LA like WayAnne, all they have is smog), it clears the head better than anything.
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